The Year of Change

First of all, I'd like to say sorry to myself for not committing as much time as I'd have like to to this blog. I said to myself when I first clicked "sign up" that I'd actually make use of it, write down thoughts, ideas which later I could look back on and see if I'd achieved or made use of.

I find myself wondering daily what would life be like if I did this, what would life be like if I decided to do that. Where will it take me, what will I be doing in a few years time. When I leave uni, where am I going to live, where is my money going to come from.

Starting to look at life as a bigger picture, questioning the world in so many ways. I asked my mum not so long ago, why is it that a little piece of metal and a thin sheet of paper can make and ruin lives and determines that is worth more than something else. Which lead me to think about myself.

Inevitably after I finish my course at university I'm going to have to step out into the big wide world. I won't be getting a loan every 4 months to see me through, I'm going to have to make myself money, I'm going to have to find somewhere to live, I'm going to have to get around places, pay for petrol, small things like that which I guess we take for granted when we're young. Our families, our parents have worked a lot of their lives to get to where they are, to have enough money to raise a family, to be able to provide.

I have the utmost respect for people who do this properly and I for one can't wait to be able to do the same.

The title for this blog is "the year of change".

Now, I'm going to try and live up to this. Not so much change myself as a person or the way people perceive me, I'm fine with that. What I want to change is the way I go about things. I pay £30 a month for a gym membership which, to be fair I do use, but, I need to benefit. I want to be comfortable enough to take my top off and walk around, I don't want to feel self conscious anymore. It's something only I can change. I'm not fat and this isn't a "OMG I'm sooooo fat" bitching spree. I've felt this way for a long time but really haven't done much about it.

So that's one thing I'm going to add to this "new me" list.

1) Tone the fuck up.

Brad, my flat mate, had made his aim for this year to watch 365 different movies. Absolutely brilliant, he saw that someone else had done it, I can't remember the dudes name now but, it will be such an achievement at the end of the year.

"So Brad, how was 2009 for you?"

"Well you know, I watched 365 different movies, you?"

I need to set myself something like that, complete all my video games, read x amount of books. I think it will be something band related seen as that seems to have a lot of my focus at present.

Maybe set out to play a certain amount of shows, could be something in that. I really want to get to know the country I live in. I'm a very well travelled person for my age, I'm 20 years old and I've been to (in no order) :

Norway
Sweden
Denmark
France
Spain
Scotland
Brazil
Argentina
Mexico
USA (East & West coasts)
The Bahamas
Several Islands in the Caribbean

And over the next year or two I should be able to add to that list :

Canada
Australia
New Zealand

Not bad really huh?

Anyway, I'm sat in my dressing gown, it's exactly 3am and I'm not really that tired.

I have an exam on Wednesday which I plan to cram study for tomorrow. I've been told it's easy and multiple choice, so there are good odds of being able to blag it.

I love my uni course, it's going to help me a lot.

I still hate moths.

I need to stop eating as much shit food.

I absolutely love playing live music.

Looking forward to later life.

Love living my life how it is.

Might be an idea to say yes to a lot more things, see where that gets me. Yes Man, the film old Jimmy boy was in, just gave the general impression that we pass a lot of opportunities in life by saying no. We'll see haha.

Kind of a rambled blog but I've said a fair bit, I've done my part for now.

Have a good one,

Steffen
xo